Beginning a Blog

Interesting reflection process to consider a title for this blog. What is my primary identity right now? My energy this week is focused on being a caregiver. My wife has Early Onset Alzheimer's Disease. I am on vacation until the beginning of the new year so that means even more time spent thinking about and living out the caregiving role. So should it be Memoirs of a Caregiver?

Someday, my Caregiver role will be over. It is tough to think of that..tougher to feel it...but that is the reality of Alzheimer's. I may not outlive Linda...but that is my first goal so that I can care for her for the rest of her life. And if I am successful in outliving her, then some day I will no longer be in the primary role of Caregiver. My identity will change.

So what is a deeper identity? One that pre-dates and post-dates and includes the years of caregiving?

At the core of my identity is peacemaker. I can trace it throughout my life. It is dominant in my profession now because I hold the title of Director of Peacebuilding and Reconciliation with a large non-government humanitarian organization. But being a peacemaker did not start with my employment with this NGO in 2000. That began long before.

So it is Memoirs of a Peacemaker...not caregiver and not peacebuilder. Peacemaker is at the core. Making peace with my inner self. Making peace with the long journey of good-bye as my partner fades into the fog and our shared memories of the past decades become un-shared. Making peace with caregiving as a major calling. Making peace with the juggling of caregiving and peacebuilding, personal and professional, calling and employment, private and public. And these are my experiences of making peace with God, with my past, with my present and with my future. Building peace is different from peacemaker. Building peace and working for reconciliation is my professional calling in contexts around the world. The focus of this work includes building peace within people, within families, among friends, clans, tribes, networks, across differences, with the creational environment, and within organizations and institutions.

In the coming days and months, I will write memoirs from the past as well as the unfolding journey I am traveling. My challenge is to be honest with myself...to face my reality...to remember as well as I can these events of my past...and to engage the future as it daily intrudes into my present.

With Alzehimer's Disease, I am learning to live with Linda in the moment...the very present...the immediate. It is a wild challenge...forces me off my game...and moves me into my inner self in ways that have never happened before.

For any who want to peek into my life and walk alongside me or near me, you are welcome. If you have comments, those are welcomed. If you have challenges you wish to issue to me...that is good. I promise to read them...to ponder your input...and to incorporate that which I discern to be wisdom.

Bill